


Hold your head high, heavy heart

by kittybenzedrine



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Crying, F/M, Grief/Mourning, soooo much crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-08-22 23:27:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8305373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittybenzedrine/pseuds/kittybenzedrine
Summary: And save your strength for the morning after.  Charmer breaks her own heart.





	

**Author's Note:**

> 10/28: Using my SoSu Soledad, from my previous FO4 fic. It's not necessary to read it, but there's a little bit of extra information regarding Shaun in it.
> 
> Edit 10/23: Fixed it up some.

Charmer cries the entire time they're clearing out the Institute. She still manages to shoot with a semblance of accuracy, somehow, so Desdemona doesn't say anything other than to ask if she's alright.

 _I understand,_ Deacon thinks to himself as he picks off Gen 2's. She's destroying the place her son has always called home. Everything he's ever loved. Charmer lets out a particularly awful cry, and Deacon steps in front of her, gun raised, to keep her protected. She wipes her eyes and soldiers on, though. Deacon just wants to wrap her up in his arms and kiss her teary cheeks until this is all over, but that's not how it works.

Deacon remembers a story she told him once, while she was drunk and they were hidden in a little building that creaked every time the wind blew too hard. She was a soldier in Anchorage, she told him. She served for many years, but the first time she was sent into the battlefield, she cried the entire time. That had been the first night they'd kissed. It was a sad kiss, but they were both desperate for more than platonic companionship-

A heavy shoots a Gen 2 that sneaks up on Deacon, and Dez shouts to him to pay attention.

He follows Charmer when she has to go to her son's room to access his terminal. Shaun says bitter words to her while she sobs between replies. His blue eyes are angry and piercing. When he demands she leave him be, she cradles his face and presses her forehead to his. Her son is too weak to fight her off, so he lets her. When she tells him she loves him, he does not reply. The bronze of her skin looks darker against her son's pale white, and Deacon turns his head. It's not his moment to watch.

Once in the relay, she stops dead in her tracks. She's frozen in place, not breathing, face stuck on surprise. A child stands just outside of the relay. He is pale, with blonde hair and blue eyes. Her brown eyes are wide.

The child rushes her, clings to her clothes through the gaps in her armor. He calls her Mom.

She lets out shaky breaths, and Deacon gently presses a hand to her elbow. The small synth child looks at him, and then back up to Charmer. She wipes the tears from her face and sniffs once, hard.

"Y-yes, yes, of course I'm your mom, _amor_ ," she tells him, keeping herself as composed as she can. She folds her arms around him, almost mechanically, looking around at all the staring faces. All of them have varying degrees of surprise in their features.

Tom assures her that they'll get little synth Shaun somewhere safe, then relays the rest of them to the detonation site. With the little synth gone, her crying has resumed, ugly and messy, and Deacon doesn't know how to help her. He gently walks her through the process of the detonator, steadying her shaky body as she flips the switches.

She pushes the button.

A blinding light and an awful sound fill everything around them. The sound does not subside when the light does. It takes him a moment to realize the sound is coming from Charmer, who is on her knees, wailing from the grief that only a mother would know. He's sure he made a similar sound when Barbara was killed, before Wyatt found him.

Deacon sinks down and wraps his arms around her. She holds onto him, her nails digging in hard, and chokes out words. He doesn't understand her. Even if he could speak Spanish, he wouldn't be able to decipher what she was saying. He does, however, hear bits of a prayer that she once recited to him. It doesn't make sense though. She doesn't believe in any kind of God. He pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"Soledad," he tells her, low and quiet. "He's given you the chance to be a mother again. Even knowing what was going to happen, he still loved you enough to give you a second chance. It'll all turn out okay."

She doesn't acknowledge that she heard him. He doesn't bother to try to tell her again. Though she had no hand in the making of her son, the human one, he was still her baby. She has loved him from day one.

 _She'll tire out eventually,_ he thinks, sharing a look with Dez. Even in the fading sunlight, he can see nothing but pity in her expression.

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd. Constructive criticism, feedback, and pointing out mistakes is always welcome
> 
> I have [my blog](http://iwillpooponthefloor.tumblr.com) on tumblr, if you'd like to check that out 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
